9/11/03

The Airlines are Terrorizing me

It has, of course been a long time since my last post, I feel like I should apologize, so here it goes, I'm Sorry, I'm sorry that you have bookmarked this page and check it every day to find nothing, nothing but the tale of my Dad's kidney stones, nothing but posts from someone comparing me to Garrison Keilor on crack, that one made me so happy, it's an honor to be compared to such a great storyteller as Garrison, but to be compared to him while on illicit substances is even better, I just want to ponder that for a moment. What would Prairie Home Companion be if it was fueled by a crack binge, not that I would know what a crack binge was, I have been on many binges, but never crack, Food binges, booze binges, fufu drink binges, atari 2600 binges, pong binges, sleep binges, tv binges, last but not least computer binges, but not crack binges, I think the Halloween episode should have good ole Garrison after a couple a days with the white demon telling his ghost storys, but this time I think he would see the ghost for real and try to bust a cap in their ass with his winchester 76 the gun that won the west, yeah now were talking, his musical guest could be garrison's belly button, singing "yeah you really got me now". Tangent, Tangent, Tangent. and now for the rest of the story. ( Paul Harvey should be on crack too.)

So here i sit in the lovely DFW airport, waiting for the tower to allow us to sit on the plane, it is currently storming like cats and more cats outside, and American Airlines is scared of getting wet, I used to work for American Airlines along time ago, driving the flight crews around in a van, imagine that, driving a van, fun, real fun, and I am convinced for as cocky as most pilots act, they are the biggest bunch of weenies I have ever seen, the complain constantly, bitch about everything, total mysogonistic asses, and they are scared of a little rain, or snow or anyone that may have a set of fingernail clippers on board, post 9/11 pilots wanted the right to carry guns on board, and frankly I think they should be given squirt guns, so they can say they mistankenly shot them selves in the crotch when confronted with an outraged obviously "hazardous" pasenger with a paper clip who is going to hijack the plane to actually take it to it's destination on time, intact, with his luggage in one piece, all 170 pounds of it, I am not saying I am the passenger, but i do have alot of luggage, or as most airlines like to call it "footballs". This is a first for me, I usually try to travel as light as possible but due to the circumstances of having to fly to Denver to start the tour, (since our trusted tour van has seen better days, and unfortunatly I wasnt around when it was having one) we are trying to tour like Kelly C. on 1/1000000 the budget, so instead of having a shipping company take what we need to tour and get it to Denver, we decided to stuff as much of our touring needs into our luggage and pray that the tossers don't have too much fun, luckily I had the pleasure of watching them search through my checked baggage, I just love the looks on their faces as they stare at a bunch of electronic gizmos, some day when i am traveling at my own liesure I intend on arming my checked baggage with a self inflating blow up doll that looks like Gw Bush on viagra that pops out when they open the suitcase and pronounces loudly that it thinks your sexy, and asks what are you doing tonight, big boy.

C.D.