5/29/03

We love us some flyin.

Ah beloved Delta, Sea-Tac to Austin, geriatric flight attendants who are hell bent on bladder failures, they love to block 1 of the restrooms for reasons unknown while blocking the other with tetris style carts. I am on my way home after a lovely trip to the Northwest, featuring early morning granola munching midgets, caterpillar hordes that look more like moss until further inspection, pirate treasure and four crooked walls. I love traveling, but airlines and the TSA are attempting to make hellish. I love checking in only to find that Delta is not responsible for any damage to your luggage, but wont let you carry on any guitars, it's like if you want it safe carry it on, but we wont let you, we would like our angry gorillas to smash your stuff so it comes down the baggage elevator in pieces. I want a job that lets me vent my pent up emotional issues on other peoples luggage, what the hell are they afraid of, there is no way anything dangerous would actually make it on the plane without being mangled beyond recognition. Sir please take off your shoes while we rifle through your stuff, we are trained professionals, we spent years learning how to make the stuff that was in your bag neatly into a tangled mess of dirty socks and toothpaste. Some day I plan on packing a carry on bag with nothing but superman underroos, just to see the expressions on their faces when i ask them why the man of steel didn't set off the metal detector.

C.D.